brad, i'm pretty sure you have multiple sclerosis...

these are words i'm still really apathetic and dead to.  i'm wrestling God right now.  i had a mri a couple of weeks ago, and the doctor called me he next day to talk.  he's pretty sure this is what i have, based on the scarring in my spine, etc...  they want to do more tests, and i want them to do more tests, because very honestly, i don't want to have it.  it will be a joyful, magnificent day if the doctor walks in the room and says he was wrong, and i'm fine.


i've really wrestled with posting this blog.  so much so, that I wrote it last week, and have looked at it every day since.  so.....why share this?  i'm not being dramatic, i promise.  i don't want you to feel sorry for me, i promise.  i don't want you to treat me like i'm disabled, it will tick me off.  i feel the same as before i was told.


it's because i want to be transparent with where i am.  it's because i know other people are on this journey, and scared to death, just like i am, and need community, as i need community.  it's because i want to offer other people the chance to love jeanette and i the way we desire to love other people.  it's because i'm scared to death.  it's because i want to pursue God in this.  it's because i want you to pursue God because of this.  it's because my Father doesn't make mistakes, and He wove me together perfectly for His glory, in His image, with nothing but Love in His heart, and i believe that with all of my heart.


a really powerful piece of scripture has become tattooed on my heart lately, and i feel like God is going to use me to encourage people who are hopeless and hurting.  i just pray i have the courage to walk this journey out.  here is what is tattooed on my heart right now...

Matthew 10:28-31
“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell. What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.


what does this mean to me right now?  it means that, even if i do have MS, it can do nothing more to me than destroy my body. It will never have any say over my soul.  ONLY GOD holds that.  and i am more valuable than a whole flock of sparrows, which He knows intimately!  i have to share this truth.  i have to teach the gospel of salvation through Christ alone, to as many people as i can.  because i want every soul to rest in Him, so you don't have to fear anything but Him.  you are loved.  you are not crippled, or disabled.  you are beautifully woven together.  you are cherished.  you are the only you that exists.  you are intimately and desperately pursued by your Creator......by the King of Kings Himself.  you are free to love and be loved.  healthy or sick, your body will fade away, and your strength will fail.  it's like the withering grass of the field.  your soul.......that's what matters.  so lift up your head, and know that you are loved.


God loves you.
God knows you.  He still loves you.

for His glory, and in love,

brad o'hara